When I turned 21 I wrote an article about what I had learned in my first one and twenty years.

The only part of it I really remember is an anecdote about how sitting on the floor of a train would no longer be acceptable as I was an ‘adult’ now. The anecdote came soaring back to me two days ago as I sat on the floor of a London to Manchester train wearing a brand new pair of jeans I had recently purchased from M&S. It’s nine years later, I am approaching my 30th birthday and here I am. My laughter frightened the woman opposite me who had also resorted to sitting on her suitcase but I delighted in the irony of it. Adult or not, has anything really changed?

Sure, some things have- jeans from M&S being one of them.

Approaching 30 feels like someone is holding up a mirror to your life and daring you to take a look. Is it what you expected? Are you where you said you would be in your high school year book or do you need help burning those?

Luckily, when writing at that precious age of 20, I didn’t write where I wanted to be by the time I was 30. We may have avoided a full-blown breakdown there.

I hold card companies personally responsible for the milestones we acknowledge within society. We seem to be born with a consensus that if a life event has a greeting card, it’s important. But I cannot help but ask myself- where did ‘30’ come from? I don’t believe you can walk into a card shop and purchase a 29 specific card when this could, in fact, be the very age I was striving for. Well, if it’s been decided that 30 is the age you get a special card, may I request that a greater range of age specific collections are established? Gone are the days where having the same card as someone else was an amusing coincidence; if you’re caught out having bought the same card from Tesco as your best friend’s next door neighbour, you’re a thoughtless imbecile.

So, 30 was born as a milestone- a means of measuring whether we have achieved certain life ‘expectations’- and because of this, it is inevitable that you are at least conscious of the fact that you are approaching this ‘milestone age’ and some of the questions we seem programmed to ask ourselves are:

• Am I married?
• Do I have, or am I on the way to having children?
• Do I have a ‘good’ job?
• Am I ‘successful’?
• Do I own a house?

Without going into the intricacies of why the above questions are simply ludicrous, I am baffled by our current generation’s struggles against these archaically constructed metrics. But, if in fact we are not reliant on Clintons to tell us where our life meltdowns should be scheduled- why not choose which aspects of life are most important as we progress as well?

• Are you aware that another person cannot make you happy?
• Do you know what you don’t want?
• Do you wake up and feel a sense of purpose?

It’s difficult to avoid the thoughts and anxieties that hover over a 29 year old head in those last few weeks of the terrible twenties. I say terrible in absolute sincerity- I have struggled through many of these months and years- and as I look back on them, there is a small demon within me reaching up to throw the word ‘regret’ into the limelight. Have you wasted your youth worrying too much? Have you achieved everything you could have? Didn’t you want to be able to do at least one push-up by now?

Luckily, regret and I have met on the battlefield before and I know we will again. The defence is not pretty and it’s often difficult to take. But just like Grandma always said, it might taste horrible, but it’s good for you. So here it is…

You are not special. 

Turning 30 is not special. 30 is no milestone and it is not a pinnacle in your life.

If you’re lining up slalom poles to hit on your way through life and using checkpoints to appraise yourself, you’re bound to be disappointed. The chances are you’re going to get to the start line and be told you’re skiing down a different slope or you’ll be halfway down and be forced to go off piste.

We seem to have created certain endpoints within the courses of our lives and at each point we choose to evaluate our choices and achievements and start a ‘new chapter’ henceforth. Result? Self loathing. Not only this but it creates certain thresholds for us to compare ourselves with others and where they were at this point in their lives: more self loathing.

Let’s clarify one simple fact- there is only one actual end point in life- it’s called death.

The scary thing is that really we should be having this profound self reflective moment occurring at the point of our 30 years at the end of every day because tomorrow, never mind the next decade, is not a guarantee. Are you OK with what you achieved today? Were you kind to the people around you today?

It can be too easy to reflect on 30 years of life with the view of focusing solely on conspicuous progress- you want to see the huge jumps and distinct changes made. Inevitably they will be there, but it negates the importance of continuous progress, the constant carousel of life. You just have to keep going.

I’ll be waving a fond hello to this checkpoint in my M&S jeans as I pass it by. But after a decade of doing a lot of thinking, rather than looking back or even looking to the future, perhaps it would be wonderful, and damn right wild, to just not think so much.

So here’s to 30 and… that will do.

The 21 things I wrote in the article before my 21st birthday: Responded to by my nearing 30 self. 

So I decided to write 21 of the things I know from my 21 years…

1. I am a writer.  Along with other things! 
2. Divorce is not the end of the world and sometimes it can allow for better, happier people.  Still true, but also divorce is just one of many challenges to face in love, life and relationships. 
3. I have some rather great friends.  I still have those great friends. 
4. I love marmite. And always will. Yep. 
5. I will NEVER be a size 6.   The thing to learn about size and weight is this: it is not linear, it doesn’t happen overnight and it’s not a culdesac. It’s a lifestyle. There’s no diet, exercise routine etc that makes you and keeps you a certain size. Exercise and diet are a part of your every day life and the way you look will change and change again. 
6. I could watch Coldplay live every day and not get bored.  You probably would get bored though wouldn’t you. 
7. I love music festivals, mud and all.  I would like to alter this to be Glastonbury. When you go to other music festivals now, you look really old. 
8. I am not a ‘funny person’. But I can still make people laugh sometimes.  Did you want to be a funny person? 
9. There is a lot happening in the world and we should involve ourselves in doing something for others.  Very wise young one. 
10. I love cocktails.  But can you afford them?
11. People will always disappoint you.  People will sometimes disappoint you. 
12. You will sometimes let other people down. You should admit it, accept it and move on.  Stop trying to be so perfect- people really don’t care that much about you, your actions or what you think. 
13. There are some things you can never understand and make sense of and you shouldn’t try to. These things are mind bogglers and it hurts to try.  I’m not sure what you were thinking here. Is this like the ‘fingers for toes, toes for fingers’ thing? 
14. PMS is a bitch.  You can’t blame everything on hormones. 
15. I always feel happy when I listen to Beyoncé or Frank Sinatra.  What does ‘happy’ mean? 
16. Time is the only true healer.   But it doesn’t make it hurt any less. 
17. One of the best moments in my life was the moment I saw the New York skyline for the very first time.   There is a lot more to see. 
18. Everyone has their own heartaches and tough times and we should be sensitive to that.   Don’t concern yourself so much with what’s going on around you. 
19. I deleted this one- there’s only so much humiliation one person can take. 
20. There will always be people who don’t like you, or what you say.   Remember that you’re not special. 
21. I worry about things. Sometimes that’s a good thing, but you have to know when to give yourself a break.  Nothing good comes from worrying. Worrying for longer does not change anything. You’ll end up in the same place as you would have if you didn’t worry so much. Choices are choices. There is no right and wrong. Choose your choices and don’t look back.